Ulfric's Errandboy
by sparklebutter
Summary: "I am the Dragonborn, I can literally shout anyone to pieces with my voice, and yet Ulfric wants me to be his errand boy." Watch as the Dragonborn has go to through daily mundane tasks, such as: Going to Walmart, ordering food at Dairy Queen, sitting patiently through commercials, and even having to deal properly with idiotic horse drivers.


**"I am the Dragonborn, I can literally shout anyone to pieces with my voice, and yet Ulfric wants me to be his errand boy." Watch as the Dragonborn has go to through daily mundane tasks, such as: Going to Walmart, ordering food at Dairy Queen, sitting patiently through commercials, and even having to deal properly with idiotic drivers.**

**Welllll, heeellooooooooooo, wonderful reader! Thank you for giving me the honor of reading my story. **

Ulfric walked quickly to the Dragonborn's room, his monkey footy pajamas causing some maids to giggle, but Ulfric kept a determined look on his face, and tried to maintain as much dignity as the High King of Skyrim can while wearing kitty slippers that meow every time he walks. Ulfric pounded on the heavy wooden door, barely even stirring the young Dragonborn from his dark slumber. "Louis! Wake up; I need you to get me something from the Walmart!" Ulfric demanded as he continued to bang his fists against the door. It had been five seconds, and Louis still had not responded. "Talos preserve me." Ulfric whispered irritated. He opened the heavy door, not caring how loud it screeched across the stone floor. "Louis!" He said, expecting an appropriate response, but only got a loud snore. Ulfric sighed again, and maneuvered his way around the bits of armor laying haphazard upon the floor. "Jeeze, didn't your mother teach you to clean?" Ulfric muttered to himself. "Louis, wake up." He said sharply, his patience growing deadly thin. He poked Louis's face a few times, thinking that would work, but it only resulted in the boy smacking his hand away. "If you do not wake up this very instant, I will have someone pour water on you. Louis, did you hear me? Louis? Oh for the love of—hey, you." He said, getting the poor, unfortunate maid who was simply sweeping the hall way's attention. "Me?" She asked softly while pointing to herself. He nodded, "Yes, come here." She obeyed.

"How do I wake this boy up?" He asked with his arms crossed tightly across his chest.

The maid shrugged and said, "I dunno. The way I get my boy up is by clanging pots together over his head. Once it took me a full five minutes of banging those pots. I say, Nords are the heaviest sleepers in all of Tamriel." Ulfric scratched his chin and hmmed to himself in deep thought.

"Alright, maybe that'll work. Grab that shield over there and bring it to me." He picked up the small dagger that was sitting innocently on his nightstand.

"Here you go, sir." She said while straining to hold the shield up off the ground. Ulfric picked it up with ease, and began banging on the shield with the dagger. The maid closed her ears with her fingers and smiled. Ulfric's second in command, Galmar Stone-Fist, came in, wearing only pajama pants. "What the devil are you doing, Ulfric?!" He demanded.

Ulfric stopped and started to pout, "I need Louis to go to Walmart to buy me the next Legend of Duty: League of Destiny 5! But he won't wake up!"

"Have you thought of shaking the lad?" Galmar asked.

"Yes, I've thought of that." Ulfric snapped.

"Have you tried doing that?" He asked while rubbing his eyes.

Ulfric sighed, and poked Louis's shoulder, and looked back that Galmar for more information. "If you want to wake him up, yer gunna have to do better than that." He said while walking over to Ulfric. "Here, this is how I wake up the soldiers who won't wake up." He grabbed Louis's large shoulders, and dragged him off the bed. "W-What the heck is going on?" Louis asked groggily, feeling very confused as to why Ulfric, a maid, and *insert name here* were standing over him.

"You're finally awake." Ulfric said in an irritated voice.

"What time is it?" Louis asked through a yawn as he rubbed his tired eyes.  
The maid looked out the window, "I'd say about three in the morning."

"What, it's three in the morning?!" Louis groaned as he hugged his shield, mistakenly believing it was his pillow.

"Louis, wake up!" Ulfric screeched, jolting Louis awake.

"Ugh, I'm up, I'm up!" He mumbled as he staggered to his feet.

"Good, now, get dressed, here's the list of items I need. Hurry back." Ulfric ordered as he handed Louis the list. Ulfric, and the other two people left with him. Louis sat down on his bed with a sigh.

"I'm moving out." He said to himself as he read over the list.

**Xx At Walmart at three in the morning xX**

Louis slowly walked through aisle after aisle, with each step and squeak of the cart, he grew increasingly irritated. "Stupid Ulfric, and his stupid list." Louis grumbled as he threw a package of toilet paper into his shopping cart. "I thought Stormcloaks hate lists." He grumbled as he threw some more necessities into the cart. He continued shopping, half dazzed, unaware that someone was watching his every move, that someone being Cicero.

Louis scrolled to the game aisle, and tried to find the very specific game Ulfric asked for, there was one disc left, and Louis began to praise the Nines for giving him what the annoying, psychopath wanted. As Louis reached for the game, someone else took it. "Hey!" Louis growled, spinning around to face the thief. Cicero grinned madly, taunting him with the case.  
"Oh, what's wrong, Dragonborn?" Cicero asked innocently.

Louis glowered and snapped, "Give me the disc." Cicero smiled, and tapped his chin, "Hmmmmmm…Cicero doesn't want Dragonborn to have the disc. Dragonborn has to do something for Cicero! Bahahahhahahahahahahaha!"

"What do you want me to do, Cicero?" Louis asked, knowing he would regret asking. The joker laughed wildly, jumping around Louis, not even fazing the desperate man. "OHhhh, Cicero is so excited! Oooohhh how he loves adventures!"  
Louis sighed heavily, "Just hurry up and tell me what you want me to do, and keep it down, you idiot."  
Cicero laughed and whispered, "Oooh, Dragonborn gets embarrassed easily, huh? Well, Cicero has a wonderful plan. Come with Cicero."

Lousi begrudgingly followed the murderous clown through the aisles of Walmart. Cicero jogged ahead, and returned with a sparkly, pink tiara and a matching tutu. "Here, Dragonborn! Just slip these on over your clothes, and the disc is yours."

Louis stared at Cicero. He smiled coyly at the Dragonborn, tempting him to do something. "Fine, give me that." Louis grabbed the garments and game out of the clown's hands, and put them on, ignoring the clown's stupid laugh as the idiot skipped away, laughing madly. "All this, for a stupid game." Louis grumbled as he walked back to the cart.

**Wellp, if you liked it, review! If you didn't...well REVIEW! I will update this when I can, but it'll mostly be **


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